When Icy Hot Attacks!

This Sunday the Pittsburgh Steelers will be traveling square into Icy Hot Ground Zero to hopefully destroy Cleveland's retarded half brother on steroids, the Cincinasty Bengals. The Bengals in all fairness have had a run of good luck this season, mainly with their turnover ratio finally in black ink instead of red ink as in years before. The Steelers have come down with a case of the Injured Mannings, referring to one Tommy Maddox to contribute to two of the Steelers losses this year. But a side reason to Cincinasty's success with the football this season is largely due to the colorful celebrations of the man that icons the term "Icy Hot Stunta", Chad Johnson.

Chad Johnson this season has done more things with the 10 yards of end zone and football that previously could not have been done before. In addition to his post-touchdown schenanery, he's received quite a bit of flack from his head coach and from the NFL, not too mention this guy writing this post. People have contemplated on how far Chad Johnson is willing to go on his end zone celebrations. And from the way things are progressing, I think he'll think of something.

Picture theorhetically that Cincinasty does defeat the Steelers. Theorhetically, as in "Ben gets injured in the 1st quarter, Maddox throws 5 INTs and the Bengals win". Now, picture theorhetically that the Bengays go all the way to Detroit, preferably not in a prison cruiser. Super-sized Super Bowl XL, Bengals vs. Seahawks/Panthers/whoever. Chad Johnson catches a touchdown pass.

Now for someone that has riverdanced, putted, pushed-up, CPRed, Santa Claused, Proposed, and Understated in the end zone this year, Here's what I think will be the Chad Johnson be-all end-all Icy Hot touchdown celebrations, in order:

1) Animatronic Jesus descends from the roof of Ford Field, Chad hands the ball to the big guy
2) 85-gun Marine corps gun salute begins in honor of #85
3) Chad hugs Detroit Pistons player Ben Wallace
4) Michael Flattley joins Johnson for a 15 minute segment of Riverdancing
5) Chad follows it up by imitating a swingset under the goal posts
6) Ends it by "Uncle Ned to his nephew" fake/no-fake handing the ball to the ref.

The amount of penalties caused from the celebration causes Cincinnatti to kick the extra point from Canada with the roof open.

Steelers, win Sunday so that the only commercials we see are during breaks in the game, not after touchdowns.

And for more Steelers hype on rubbing out the Icy Hot, click here for some Scott Paulsen Steelers Stuff, Including "Cinncinatti s.u.c.k.s." in the tune of WKRP in Cincy.