Jay Leno Grabs a Shotgun

As a born-again MySpace user I have found that the site has improved somewhat, adding new features and attracting less random friend invites. A few of these features have included professional profiles for entertainers and writers, and the ability for users to add videos. Certain users use this feature for good purposes as a way to showcase their work, while most everyone else abuses it by uploading videos of pointless happenings, in-room booty dancing, and stuff eBaumsworld already stole from other sites.

That all pales in comparison to the absolute worst video I am about to tell you about.

Ladies and Gentleman, The Cat's DVD.

To give you some explanation of The Cat's DVD, the 3 hour long movie for $20 is footage of commonly hunted cat animals such as hummingbirds, bees on a flower, squirrels, goldfish, and mice. Added with that is digital footage of laser light shows and other effects designed to have your cat scratch holes in your new plasma TV or oak home entertainment cabinet. Allow me to put it in clear bold and italics to the creators of this DVD:

CATS DO NOT WATCH TELEVISION.

This product is nothing more than a feeble attempt at the human species's assimilation of all other animals in the animal kingdom by having them do the same things humans do. This is bundled with other stupid ideas such as dressing up your cat and cat-to-English translators. Technically speaking The Cat's DVD is not your cat watching TV, but rather you the stupid human watching your cat attempt to maul your Magnavox. As an explanation to why people would buy this, let's just say they're as curious as the intended consumer. The Cat's DVD is intended for a younger cat demographic who's hunting skills have not been finely tuned, as older cats know the difference between what is real and tasty and what is glass, static, and humiliation.

I looked at the website and it said 'As Seen on TV'. If I already saw this on TV, why should I see it again? My cat does not need an instant replay. The next question to ask is "who would be crazy and psycho enough to buy this 3 hour crapfest?" Easy answer: The Psycho Cat Lady Demographic, ages 50 to 75+ who believe that all 7 to 45 cats in their household are actual people with actual feelings. These are the types of people that eventually get arrested for animal creulty and get an atomic Febreeze bomb dropped on their house. The smell of cat urine stays around FOR YEARS.

To disprove to this site that the product does not work, I enlisted the help of a professional subject:















This is Frosty, the Ashley household cat of 4 years of age. In cat years, that would be about 27. At this age his hunting skills are finely tuned. I sat him down in front of a TV tray in the living room to see if he would react to anything on the TV. He jumped off the tray in about 20 seconds and demanded to go outside. This proves my theory that cats have better things to do such as eating cat food, sleeping, and hunting REAL animals than watching Law and Order or The OC.

To the company that made this waste of plastic and video tape, I would so charge them with Animal Stupidity charges if such a criminal charge was invented. Stay away from this product. If you notice a smell coming from your neighborhood cat lady's house, call the cops.