Gary Ashley's Series of Unfortunate Events Part #1

Part #1: The Prequel

To some of you I have already mentioned that at the late age of 23 I officially own my very first car, a black 1995 Chevy Lumina that according to the dealer "was top of the line back in the day." While it is a new and exciting feeling that comes with it, I have also at the same time unleashed the gates of hell into an unfathomable amount of stress, suffering, and lost time and money that will come from future repairs.

And I am making this statement after only owning it for 3 days.

Here's the course of events that lead up to this post:

Thursday, August 16th, 3:00 pm - Mom calls me at work (she was driving her car, usually I take it to work) saying that the radiator died and took a monumental pee in the parking lot of Dollar General. Given the situation, I would've done that without the car.

Friday, August 17th, 5:00 pm - With the car out of action and weekend plans involving individual means of transportation out the window, dad has to pick me up from work but completely forgets about it in an apparent miscommunication.

Friday August 17th, 6:05 pm - Arrive home after late pickup. Would have probably been arrested for loitering if a cop came by.

Monday August 20th, 7:00 pm - Bumming rides off people may have worked in high school but it doesn't when you're employed full time and have a social life. Canceled on Improv practice and later bowling with friends (though the latter would've originally been canceled by the former) to shop for a new car.

Tuesday August 21st, 3:15 pm - Leave work early to attend dentist appointment, this time picked up on time by dad. Though I have no health insurance, I figured since I have the money and haven't seen them in about a year and a half it was time to get the teeth checked over.

Tuesday August 21st, 3:46 pm - Going to the dentist was a lot cheaper and with less paperwork when I was a kid. $157 and a new toothbrush later I find the set of car keys to one of the other cars I looked at last night in my coat pocket. Honest Abe kicks in.

Tuesday August 21st 4:10 pm - Return car keys to dealer, receive word that the black Lumina is ready for a test drive. Cue the Beastie Boys.

Wednesday August 22nd 2:20 pm - Work-related delivery to Indiana enables me to mess with the features of the car. Window defogger is massive; CD player still needs a tryout.

Thursday August 23rd, 5:15 pm - The paperwork is finalized, and after many "Gary V. Ashley" signatures and writing the largest check I have ever written in my life, I am the proud owner of a used car. First unnecessary thoughts: hard guy photo shoot, rims, high-bass stereo system with gangster folk music

Friday August 24th, 5:16 pm - While cashing a check at the bank, the car's battery dies on me at the intersection of the road near said bank. Dad gets called with jumper cables and arrives while I play traffic cop. Upon the first jump it gets me to about 0.3 miles to my house before dying again requiring a second jump. It then dies in the driveway parked.

Friday August 24th, 7:30 pm - Dad recharges the battery, which is with something old because it has a Monty Ward sticker on it so you know it was from a while ago. He then says that the car needs looked at, thus he makes plans for us to go to Sears the next day. The closest Sears is 20 miles away and the wakeup time is 7 am. The normal wake time for work is at 7:30 am. Saturday was supposed to be my day to sleep in and do nothing with all the crap that's happened this week.

TO BE CONTINUED, END OF PART #1